History Re-written by Caption
History re-written by Caption (1)
Imperial Rome: Catastrophe during the Ovid-19 Pandemic when Emperor Trumpotus Narcissus announces the disease can be treated with fire.
“So I says to Adolf, ‘Oh yeah? You and whose army?'”
Hamlet and Ophelia bomb badly in an early Danish episode of Strictly
On Martin Luther King Day, President Trump lays a wreath: “That Burger King guy was a really great American…”
Belshazzar was always getting text messages from Jehovah at inconvenient times.
“Now we’d like to do a medley from Fiddler on the Roof.”
St. Kilda 1922: Morag’s knocking shop was always busy the day before the Sabbath.
For all your ideological needs, Marx & Engels: Purveyors of fine polemics since 1848.
Banchory Royal Highland Games 1936. Scandal as Alisdair Farquharson, the King’s Chief Tosser, is caught smearing treacle-laced oatmeal on his caber to improve his grip.
Jehovah: “OK, Noah, a few changes are needed in your Genesis report. Take out all mentions of kangaroos and where you dropped them off. Also, llamas, alpacas, lemurs….”
Plus ça change – Hollywood 1929: Studio President, Donald J. Gropius and producer, Scurvy Winestain audition a young hopeful.
When a tyrant develops man-flu…
The Trump White House: A Pictorial Guide to How It Functions
On sale this week in Aldi’s Middle Aisle
Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg impersonators on their way to a Conservative Party Conference fringe event entitled “The Great British Union Jack-Off: Two hours of flag waving, imperial nostalgia and Brexit wishful-thinking”.
The residents of Tolerance Street, New Guildford in Massachusetts were not best pleased when they discovered that the Dekanawida family had moved in to number 17.
Historically the separation of church and state has sometimes caused a bit of friction.
Unexpectedly, from beyond the grave, a previous Republican president gives Donald Trump advice on his proposed “big beautiful wall” on the Mexican border.
Cannes 1902: a prototype burkini. “This shocking feminist outrage ended la Belle Epoque, caused WWI and nearly destroyed Western society” (Daily Mail).
The Parliamentary Labour Party meeting goes a little badly for Jeremy Corbyn.
Joe McCarthy 1953: “.. and this chart shows there are now more card-carrying homosexual Communists than Republican voters in 37 states…”
Diogenes: “I’ll tell you what’s wrong – my barrel has been assessed for Council Tax as a Band C property.”
Iain Duncan Smith’s cruel treatment at his prep school goes a long way to explaining his present-day malicious attitude towards the weak, the poor and the sick.
At a weekly film-night in the Chancellory in 1942, Hitler’s aide-de-camp begins to regret screening a bootleg copy of ‘Casablanca’.
History re-written by Caption (2)
Nothing gave the Harlem Hoaxers more satisfaction than draping themselves in sheets and watching whitey make an ass of himself.
Heinz’s 1946 new baby-food line, Beans and Boiled Cabbage Purée, proved short-lived.
“Why do we play nothing but marching-band songs like ‘The Sash’ and ‘The Billy Boys’? We wouldn’t want anyone to think we’ve got catholic tastes.”
Hall of Mirrors, Versailles, 1871: “OK, all those in favour of Benidorm for the lads’ night out…”
“We are NOT splitting it three ways – I didn’t have any wine and the Sauerkraut cost way less than your Lobster Linguine.”
“A talking snake gave you it? Is that the same one who tried to sell us pet insurance last week?”
The Health and Safety Inspector was not at all impressed by working practices at Vulcan’s Forge.
Spare-hat carrier to the quality folk was a much-coveted job during the Great Depression.
Some of the earlier Gardeners World programmes were a little over-dramatised.
The youngest-ever contestants on “Vatican City’s Got Talent” create a sensation with their risqué boy-band performance.
“The gold, myrrh and frankincense were nice, but this plutonium stuff the fourth guy gave the bairn is brilliant…”
Matabeleland 1893: The Reverend Simpkin’s mission to bring Jesus to the Ndebele people encounters unexpectedly enthusiastic theological opposition.
After a few unfortunate mishaps, 19th century interactive zoos started to become less popular.
Russia 1812: “… and the forecast for tomorrow in the Berezina area is snow showers, so wrap up well.”
President Ford and Leonid Brezhnev, 1974 SALT Conference: “So, Gerry, nobody voted for you, nobody voted for me and here we are deciding the fate of the world – isn’t politics great?”
No one dared tell Kim Jong Il that the “Do-Jem” gifted by Mao was not the advanced stealth fighter he believed it to be.
Undue influence was suspected when Grigory Rasputin was chosen by every single entrant in a 1915 episode of Blind Date.
The Bullingdon Club’s AGM was always a boisterous affair.
“Gone to a better place” – Hell, hopefully.
Combined HQ 1916. Combined IQ 191.6
“Organisers claim that 5,000 were present for the miracle at Bethsaida, but the BBC and police put the number at 600…”
Austria 1938: The “Besser Zusammen” campaign celebrates the benefits of a small nation being part of a larger one with more influence on the international stage.
The “Better Together” campaign were advised to tone down their negative portrayal of how Scotland would look after a YES vote in the independence referendum.
Sabine Wanderers v AFC Sabina was always a difficult day for the local womenfolk.
“Yes, the gentleman from ‘Loaded’ magazine wanted my opinion on the fashion impact of leather jackets among socialists…”
Queues lengthen at Benefit Offices as curbs on non-UK residents begin to take effect.
Trump Tower of Triumph rises above the World Heritage Site at Herculaneum and is a tribute to the good taste, sensitivity and modesty of its patron.
The Fuhrer and his team reflect grimly on their poor showing in placing 6th in the 1927 Pan-Germanic Morris Dancing Championships held at Bad Judenhasse.
Soviet educational poster demonstrating the withering away of bourgeois facial hair under socialism.
Combined HQ 1916. Combined IQ 191.6
History re-written by Caption (3)
Il Duce launches the new Fiat Mark IV Killer-Mammoth Tank, replacing the Mark III which proved vulnerable to Ethiopian children throwing stones at them.
Mussolini selects the most suitable commander/driver/gunner for the new Killer-Mammoth tank.
Milton Friedman is presented with the award for Best Ideological Con-trick from the Federation of Snake Oil Salesmen by previous winner George W.M.D. Bush
German fans file away quietly and respectfully in Warsaw after losing 2-1 to Italy at the 2012 European Championships
“I say, I’ve got three crowns on my Imperial Scratchcard – I appear to have won something called Uganda.”
Notre Dame 1804: “It’s just a temporary measure. We’ll be back to liberty, equality and all that stuff in no time at all…”
“OK, Billy, if God has told you it’s our Christian duty to bomb Haiphong on Christmas Day, that’s good enough for me.”
Weekly check at the Barclays CEO Bonus Room
Spiderman’s agent advised him to keep his earlier roles concealed from the public.
Queues for the toilets at the 1936 Berlin Olympics were long but well-ordered.
Richard the Lionheart: “I didn’t speak English, taxed the nation cripplingly, preferred my French territories, spent only six months ever in England, was violently anti-Semitic, slaughtered Muslims indiscriminately, murdered 2,500 hostages, and my Crusade failed – so why exactly shouldn’t I have a statue in front of Parliament?”
In its earliest days Crufts sometimes came in for criticism of the way best-in-breed was decided.
Versailles 1919: “Well, that’s European peace taken care of for the next hundred years. Now let’s sort out Palestine and the Middle East.”
A spectator at the 420 BC Olympics is refused entry for wearing Nike sandals. The official sponsor that year was Hermes Winged Wondershoes.
China 1860: “.. and finally, traffic is backed up on the Pa-Li-Kiao Bridge after a Jardine-Mathieson vehicle shed its load of opium.”
History re-written by Caption (4)
Bordijrhera, Italy 1941: “Since Adolf isn’t here, I can say it out loud – Benito, you’re the prettiest fascist of us all.”
There are suggestions that Tory MP Chris Pincher’s Grinder portrait may not be wholly authentic
Tennessee 1925: Disney’s Old Testament Theme Park had to close after just a week owing to widespread trauma among visitors.
Galilee 1AD: Kissing babies and excessively lavish bribes characterised the election campaign for Chief Pharisee of Judea.
1649: Body Shop has diversified its mail-order business a great deal since Cromwell’s time
Moscow, March 2022 – “These medals weigh a bloody ton, Sergei, but at least I got them killing real Nazis.”
The Brexit fishing dispute with France starts to get out of control.
An Illustrated Guide to Claiming Universal Credit.
Moments before the Great Klan Inferno of 1952 when a toppling fiery cross set alight the robes of 113 initiates as they swore the oath of white supremacy. An Act of God, said some.
Lord George Robertson on the Red Carpet Road to Socialism.
Table Bay 1652: “Can we interest you in a month’s free trial of Dutch Colonialism? If not fully satisfied we promise to cancel your membership…”
Berlin, the Führer Bunker, April 1945: “Did I ever tell you about my landslide victory in 1933?”
Trump supporters in Bonespur, Mississippi finally agree to wear Covid-19 protection.
Great Moments in Painting: 1921, Piet Mondrian invents the Dulux Colour Chart.
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